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10.) Buy ‘em a life insurance policy; wish for the best.
9.) Anything but clothes; kids were born naked for a reason.
8.) Poop is a good Play-Doh substitute; besides, what Play-Doh occasionally contains perfectly edible corn?
7.) A stationary bike; keep their fat-asses thin during the winter.
6.) A Roomba; it’s a toy robot…. stupid kid. (Actually it’s a vacuum)
5.) A year long subscription to Playboy… then immediately confiscate it; daddy like.
4.) A private session with a financial planner; the economy is rough kids.
3.) A refrigerator; if they don’t like the ‘fridge… at least they can play with the box
2.) An annual physical; gotta use those end of year flex dollars somehow…
1.) A dead puppy in a box; when they open it and are scared say “okay, we’ll get you a living one, but keep in mind when you don’t take care of it…. this happens.”