10.) Buy ‘em a life insurance policy; wish for the best.9.) Anything but clothes; kids were born naked for a reason.8.) Poop is a good Play-Doh substitute; besides, what Play-Doh occasionally contains perfectly edible corn?7.) A stationary bike; keep their fat-asses thin during the winter.6.) A Roomba; it’s a toy robot…. stupid kid. (Actually it’s [...]
5.) If you grow a wicked long hangnail you can maim someone with it. 4.) They make tasks that require precision much easier e.g. – using touchscreen phones, or picking your nose. 3.) You can get high of the shit you use to paint them. So what about the brain damage? 2.) All kinds of cool [...]
6. Johnny Damon throws a baseball like a quadriplegic 7 year old girl whose had too much to drink. 5. Derek Jeter and A-Rod are getting married to each other on a mountaintop ceremony in which they will attempt to milk each other into a saucer. 4. They are the least profitable franchise in all [...]
Finally overcome my addiction to pterodactyl porn. Only talk about poop twice a day. Quit smoking (next year.) Learn how to read. Befriend a black man (I’m one of the good ones.) Play more video games. Don’t grow man tits. Gain access to crack by sucking dick. Have a small heart attack, just the tip… [...]
This weekend I hung out with the boys, which always involves a bunch of drunken bickering between AD and Mr Blueveins… and C-sack and I trying to ignore it while enjoying some video games… Anyway drunken Mr Blueveins always manages to accidentally have a couple turd covered gems fall out of his mouth. Here’s the [...]
