Oh really? You’re name is Dick Swett though? My dick would be sweating urine if I heard that name in real life!

This maybe part of a new series of pissed off rants, so brace yourselves.

Why are there so many dumb-ass sayings in the English language?  I was thinking about this, and decided “How the tables have turned” is quite fricken retahded.  I mean seriously…  every table I can ever recall sitting at was pretty damn symmetrical, therefore, if you turn the tables your likely sitting in front of the same shit you were before  but, you’re likely a little more pissed off. Secondly, why are you turning multiple tables? WTF? Someone better chill the hell out with the damn spinning tables… all I need is one table; I mean I know I’m fat, but if John Goodman only needs one… what kinda fatso needs two?! Maybe if I had one triangular table, then I may want another just to make the damn thing a rectangular like shape, maybe a rhombus… you know, the whole four corners bit… that’s a desirable table.  Finally, with this whole table… I get that shit on this table maybe reversed IF there was any shit on the table, but stop making sense of things, asshole.

Fuck every table right now.

A fart in itself is kind of a dick move, especially if you make like a dog and pull the ol’ fart and run routine… But I managed to top this the other day, and thought the world should know.

I’ve been known to shove my hand in my fiancees fully clothed ass-crack to surprise/annoy her… and well, a couple days ago she thought  she’d return the favor… well I knew what was coming; after all, I taught her everything she knows about being a disgusting dick. Well, when her hand hit… I ripped one of those “is this a shit or fart” farts right on her hand… I almost died of laughter; the timing was wonderful… totally worth a night in the dog house.

Wow, I am the worst artist ever…. I spent like 2 hours trying to make an animation in Anime Studio… to no avail. Well.. I thought imagery would help. I’d like to thank my god awful MS paint skills.

Finally, a Fwod:

Arttard:  An arttard is someone who has developed normally, less their art skills… They stopped devoloping in 1st grade.

I am a total arttard.

No one would be happy if this were a Pepsi machine.

Isn’t it funny how almost any religion is supposed to teach people about love, and caring… but typically A–holes like Brit Hume make it a steaming pile of turd for morons to sling at one another?


Here is Hume’s heartfelt turd he drops on the Buddhist religion…





Please Mr. Hume, keep you verbal turds to yourself… 

I wonder what the Food tastes like…. Ass?
…Apparently this place is really called “The Canal”… and they need some sign work.

Ick, this woman should go to the vet to be put under… with that face she could pass as a rat, right? Jesus, I hate this chick… go to permanent sleep.

Just a few thoughts I had after watching this…

5. Shoudn’t have had so many strokes Dick Clark.
4. Seriously, this butt-hole still looks like he’s 50.
3. Is this just rude of ABC to show this old creep like this?
2. Ryan Seacrest is a dooooosh.
1. Happy New Year!

 This is SNL spoofing one of my all time favorite scenes in a movie…

ABC:
 A – Always
 B – BE
C – Coddling

1.) What’s worse than a nekked perv? A nekked perv bangin’ the mouth of your favorite teddy bear.

2.) Why did the chicken cross the road?  Because my raging chubby pushed it there.

3.) Why was my poop almost black & sticky yesterday? Because I ate 3 sleeves of Oreos.

4.) Who let the dog’s out? Jew, Jew, Jew, Jew

5.) What’s black, white, and dumb all over? This website.