Well… I went through about three names out to appease her, and hopefully bore her to sleep…. after no success… I thought maybe I should just say names over her incessant talking until she fell asleep… this just led to shitty stories about how she would never have a child named Gilgamesh because an ant fell out of her BH three days ago… and that ant was named Gilgamesh… and that ant grew up to be a rude ass-belonker. Now, as you may have guessed, never in my life have I given one shit about an ant named Gilgamesh that fell out of a butt who was rude. So I proceeded to come up with names that might clue her in on the whole “it’s-time-to-shut-the-fuck-up-a-little-please” bit. This group was similar to “Shila, Tinker, Yousa, Shaka, Fuka, Upa”… these were apparently not working as she was still talking, and I was still not sleeping. I sputtered of quite a few nonsensical names like “diarrheaimsicala, and rammadammadingdongilla”… still no dice… I tried names that rhyme with things that shouldn’t be said “Tigger, laggot, Rickpimples”… Jesus Christ she was still talking… Finally, I chose the winner… “Samurai-Ninja-Poop-Sacko.” My stupidity had won the battle… she was so astounded by this she rolled over, said “No woman would ever respond to that.” and fell asleep. So fellas, if you ever are in desperate need of getting a woman to let you go to sleep or just want those 30 seconds of peace… “Samurai-Ninja-Poop-Sacko” should help you out.

Oh really? You’re name is Dick Swett though? My dick would be sweating urine if I heard that name in real life!

Why are there so many dumb-ass sayings in the English language?  I was thinking about this, and decided “How the tables have turned” is quite fricken retahded.  I mean seriously…  every table I can ever recall sitting at was pretty damn symmetrical, therefore, if you turn the tables your likely sitting in front of the same shit you were before  but, you’re likely a little more pissed off. Secondly, why are you turning multiple tables? WTF? Someone better chill the hell out with the damn spinning tables… all I need is one table; I mean I know I’m fat, but if John Goodman only needs one… what kinda fatso needs two?! Maybe if I had one triangular table, then I may want another just to make the damn thing a rectangular like shape, maybe a rhombus… you know, the whole four corners bit… that’s a desirable table.  Finally, with this whole table… I get that shit on this table maybe reversed IF there was any shit on the table, but stop making sense of things, asshole.

Fuck every table right now.

I’ve been known to shove my hand in my fiancees fully clothed ass-crack to surprise/annoy her… and well, a couple days ago she thought  she’d return the favor… well I knew what was coming; after all, I taught her everything she knows about being a disgusting dick. Well, when her hand hit… I ripped one of those “is this a shit or fart” farts right on her hand… I almost died of laughter; the timing was wonderful… totally worth a night in the dog house.

Wow, I am the worst artist ever…. I spent like 2 hours trying to make an animation in Anime Studio… to no avail. Well.. I thought imagery would help. I’d like to thank my god awful MS paint skills.

Finally, a Fwod:

Arttard:  An arttard is someone who has developed normally, less their art skills… They stopped devoloping in 1st grade.

I am a total arttard.