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Politically Correct – Mulatto – FWOD

Calendar March 16, 2009 | Posted by DuggBlitz

Being that the word mulatto is no longer PC my sister has suggested a new term.

Marshmallow – A person of mixed race.
Hmmm, well sis, that seems a little racist too… but it’s probably still better than that arrogant prick Dan Snyder leaving his football team name as the “Redskins”. 
Just a side note, how do you describe a mulatto person these days while being politically correct? Just a person? The thought of not labeling someone by their race sickens me, and besides they are NOT people… they get the stereotypical wealth, and and education of a cracker, and all of the physical strength and melanin of the chocolates, making one delicious, smore-like superhuman race.

Category Categories: Fwods | Tag Tags: , , , , | Comments 4 Comments »

Funny Brew Haiku & FWOD – My Dentist Story

Calendar November 19, 2008 | Posted by DuggBlitz

So I went to the dentist the other day for the first time in like 5-6 years (fucking brilliant, I know) And they shoot me full of Novocaine so I can’t feel ‘em stick their dicks in my mouth… so they do the little cleaning thing etc… I leave and decide with my mouth still numb that I’m going to Subway to get me a sammich. I get home, plop my fatass on the couch and start enjoying my sammich… I get about two-thirds of the way through, and realize that they’re are some little red splotches on my sandwich… I think… well that’s kinda fucked up… what did they do to my teeth?! I finish eating my bloody sandwich, and start touching my lip… well there’s just too much for this to be normal… I get up go look in the mirror… detective Don… on the scene… I guess eating when your mouth is numb isn’t a good idea… as you might gnaw your own face off… my lip was bleeding like a mofo. I guess the moral of the story is don’t chew when numb.

-Dentist Haiku-
Metal scraper thing,
most god awful sound maker,
torture in my mouth.
-Fwod-
Sammich – laziness at it’s best… because it takes just a bit too much effort to say “sandwich” …*insert ethnic humor here*

Category Categories: Funny Haikus | Tag Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments 1 Comment »

Funny Brew – How to be a dick – Working Well With Others – Bad Advice

Calendar November 6, 2008 | Posted by DuggBlitz

What seems to be a lost art at FunnyBrew is making an appearance today. It’s the how to be a dick advice column. A couple things happened at work, that provoked some sincere assholish thoughts.

1. If someone is telling you about how a friend got shitcanned, just smile thinking (it helps if you say it out loud) “I never liked that guy anyway.”
2. Make a lot of “That’s what she said” Jokes. This might not make you a dick, but it will certainly make you annoying. So, when your friend says “Yeah it’s just nice to see Telfair getting to the hole that quickly. The finishing will come later” Don’t hold back, just let your inner Steve Carrell fly.
3. Politics, remember it’s the truth, everybody is an asshole, but, get creative. You actually like Barack Obama’s political views… He’s just so goddamned black.
4. Fuck, this one came so naturally… I’m an asshole… When a passerby whom you barely know says “Tsup?” and you give the natural “How’s it going?” and they actually have something to say just don’t care what follows. No one gives a shit about your ex-wife, or finding your lost baby… stop fucking crying, your an adult male for christ sake… I don’t even know you…. Next week I hope an Aids infested monkey bites your grandma’s tits off.
That pretty much sums this one up, I hope you’re much less likable for reading it!

Category Categories: How to be a Dick | Tag Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments 1 Comment »

Wiener Chase Fwod for Pecker… Manana

Calendar October 26, 2008 | Posted by DuggBlitz

The ultimate weiner chase ending in a wicked nice hand job, awesome cumshot. I’ve received this indirectly through my fiancee’s mother.
FWOD—-
Manana – (banana but with an M) – A large penis.
Example sentence – Don and John are hung like pimples, but Adam has one helluva Manana. (goddamned Indians get all the glory)
Indian – stupid man’s term for Native American.

Category Categories: Fwods | Tag Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments No Comments »

FunnyBrew Fwod – Chug – Chinese Underage Gymnasts – Haiku included

Calendar August 21, 2008 | Posted by DuggBlitz

Chug – one of those underage Chinese gymnasts.

Example sentence: “I Dined at the Y with a chug.”

…Not sure why people decided these girls look young… All Chinese people look the same. Whether they are 15 or 60, male or female. Okay I’m only kidding I love All people and the Chinese are no different…. but seriously they all look the same…. but I love ‘em… but they look very similar.

Extra food for thought here: I know I’m only about 2.37 inches erect… but… I’m yet to see a well endowed Chinese man…. and I watch a LOT of porn.

Chinese Haiku

Ping pong pow spoon drop
Rockin test tube baby Yao
Damn that dick is small.

Category Categories: Uncategorized | Tag Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Comments No Comments »

Supermans Dead

Calendar August 2, 2008 | Posted by DuggBlitz


A quick “tip” on how to be a dick….

Talk shit about all religions with no remorse.

That being said, if you fear God but still fuck around a lot… I have found the answer for you……………………………Blankets! That dude can’t see you touching yourself unless your uncovered and your wiener is pointing towards the heavens.

FWOD:
Gryptonite – being able to stroke it under the covers cause god can’t see.

Messy afterbirth…. is underwear the equivalent if a dick blanket? Cause I jerk off in the car a lot.

Category Categories: Fwods, How to be a Dick | Tag Tags: , , , , , , | Comments 1 Comment »