2/10/10… Ladies and gentlemen it’s time to take your pants off and salute the turd you just flushed down the toilet. Today is the 12th anniversary  (I’m guessing here… Adrock might be able to verify that). So yeah, today is the time to salute your poop, for all of the laughs it has supplied you with… Yes farts, you count too! Anyway, be glad you can poop, as it gets rid of alot of bacteria that shouldn’t be in your body, and if you couldn’t poop… you’d be dead. If you are a bit constipated, follow the Poopy Advice here.  God Speed fellow poopers.

10.) Buy ‘em a life insurance policy; wish for the best.
9.) Anything but clothes; kids were born naked for a reason.
8.) Poop is a good Play-Doh substitute; besides, what Play-Doh occasionally contains perfectly edible corn?
7.) A stationary bike; keep their fat-asses thin during the winter.
6.) A Roomba; it’s a toy robot…. stupid kid. (Actually it’s a vacuum)
5.) A year long subscription to Playboy… then immediately confiscate it; daddy like.
4.) A private session with a financial planner; the economy is rough kids.
3.) A refrigerator; if they don’t like the ‘fridge… at least they can play with the box
2.) An annual physical; gotta use those end of year flex dollars somehow…
1.) A dead puppy in a box; when they open it and are scared say “okay, we’ll get you a living one, but keep in mind when you don’t take care of it…. this happens.”

I think the weddings off… My fiancee is finally figuring out how weird I am. Here’s a bit from our conversation tonight.

Miss Manners: “My tummy hurts…” and she makes one of those pathetic chick faces.

Me: “Do you want me to poop on it?” – A totally reasonable question / home remedy for a tummy ache

Miss Manners: “Sometimes you say really weird things.” – All Straight faced…

…I’m so misunderstood.

Yep, that’s right… I’m getting old. Last night I had to fart and I pooped a little. Luckily I was at home, so I casually stood up, grabbed my laptop and walked into the bathroom with no holy war waged on the underoos. Too close for comfort. 

Yeah, sure to the average person I appear to be the common adult… but lemme tell you what I’m still just a kid.

I am Jack’s flatulating pooper Without me:

• You wouldn’t be walking in the mall, and wonder… Why does it smell like poop?
• Women would have the luxury of not coming home to a home that is tainted by that stale fart stench.
• Men would cry more, because there would be no farts to cheer them up when they are down.
• No BH’s would ever be exposed to open flame for a good laugh.
• A dog’s farts would be totally unacceptable.

All women know but few of their boyfriends are aware that it is very standard for the current girlfriend to nose around and find information on the ex-girlfriend(s). This can be done many different ways. For example, via old pictures, subtle inquiries with the boyfriend’s family, the ever-so-bold asking the boyfriend upfront for dirty details or the ever-so-classic Google method.

One day, bored out of my mind, I decided to Google my boyfriend’s ex-fiancée. All I knew is that he and she dated for many years and she was a complete bitch and whore for cheating on him the day before he flew out to Boston to give her a romantic proposal in the park. Since she had a unique way of spelling her name I was hoping to find something right away like some sort of criminal/mental health record or just a picture that said “cunt” across her face. Low and behold I hit jackpot. The metro city news had done a story on her and it included a video! This bitch is getting proposed to AGAIN in a Boston park, five years later to a completely naïve asshole, and it made the fucking Boston and Minneapolis news.

Since I’m human and completely in love with my boyfriend, my heart couldn’t help but break for him as I watched the video because it was all too ironic. But this time her new guy was dressed in tights in a faggy outfit, riding a faggy horse toward her in the park, and with the absolute thickest faggy Boston accent he proposed.

I contemplated telling my boyfriend about it and when I finally did he was amazingly indifferent at the news. We laughed at the cheesy proposal and when he talked about it I heard only a twinge of “weirded-out-ness” in his voice. After hearing his reaction I could tell that I didn’t have to nose around anymore with his past girlfriends. He loves me now. He loves me because we’re like best friends but mostly he loves me because he knows that I would knee him in the balls if he ever did something as faggy and completely stupid as what we saw on the video.

Thanks ex-fiancée. I am now reaping all the benefits of the biggest mistake of your life. Bitch.

Click here to view Faggy Proposal!

So today, I’m wearing some old underwear, and I thought “What better to write about than SpongeBob Squarepants boxers?” …. So here it is, in traditional I need to get a post out style 

Well, the title of the epsiode pretty much means that anybody who likes this site (nobody) is going to like this epsiode. It’s not so much about poop, as it is the mystery of the poop. I’ve been saying it for years… and this will reinforce the notion that: Poop is funny! 65 out of a possible 72 virgins in heaven.