I went through a very religious phase my first two years of high school. When the topic of sex came up within my group of bible-bumping friends, we all talked about “waiting until marriage”. At the time I thought what better way to show you love someone than to wait? Now reading this article in The Onion (that is probably more true than made up) I am very happy with my decision to become a filthy whore in my later teen years.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39100

Okay, so I had deleted my previous posts due to paranoia dealing with my occupation…fuck it. I’m reposting this one because these are genuine thoughts, deep from my soul that I would like to share with the world.

Top 5 Things I Think About During Sex:

5. Holding or pushing my head down is not going to make you or me enjoy the blowjob more…it will probably just make me puke up Taco Bell on your dick.

4. For someone so curious about anal sex, you sure didn’t seem to enjoy that finger up your ass.

3. Hurry up and cum already and get off me so I can finish myself off and actually enjoy a fraction of this 4 and a half minutes. I’ve got laundry to do and other dudes to fuck.

2. Looking deep into my eyes trying to make a meaningful “emotional connection” with me isn’t going to work…all it’s going to do is make me visually cut and paste Brad Pitt’s face ontop of yours.

1. God, I love just lying here.

Jeff: its like running thru a swamp and then falling into a goddamn pit full of corpses and money.

It’s worth it cuz money is nice…….but it fucking reeks.

He’s talking about butt sex of course!!!