One of my co-workers is a 9th grade English teacher. She had her students write the characteristics of poor essays on the board. She took this picture of what her 5th hour came up with. Looks like she has her work cut out for her. I weep for the future.

Okay, so if you are one of those buttholios who thinks the swine flu is going to kill us all I want to ask… Does this pig really want to hurt you? he looks like a damned sweety to me… He can’t wait to turn into bacon, pork chops, and a Ballpark Frank. The swine flu scare is all over the place, and I for one, think it is dumb as hell. Seriously how short are people’s attention spans that they panic about this stuff? Sars… anybody??? The Bird Flu has killed an entire assloadfull of people, hasn’t it? 100 people in America EVERY DAY die of the plain old flu. How many have died of the swine flu total? 200 in 2 weeks? Some pandemic… I will headbutt every pig that tries to give me the swine flu… from here to eternity. As soon as you put a filthy animal’s name in front of the word flu it makes people scared straight… You know what’s scary… the turd-mite flu… that’ll kill a MF’er.

Until this flu kills at least 100,000 people, I’m going to flick off every pig I meet… that means you Rosie O’Donnell.

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• There are such things as stupid questions, any person who tells you otherwise is lying.
• Teachers DO have favorite students and they actually hate a fair amount of the rest.
• Being a teacher’s pet does not make the teacher like you more. In fact it causes the complete opposite.
• Many teachers choose the profession because we only work about 180 days out of the year minus the 12 sick days and 3 personal days we get each year. For those of you that are curious, we only work about 67% of what the rest of you work. On our time off we drink heavily and pop pills.
• Relationship/relations among co-workers happen more than you would think. I know two sets of teachers that have “had relations” with each other in a school building during office hours.
• If a student asks a question and the teacher says something like “you should look it up because you’d learn it better rather than have me just tell you the answer” means we have no idea what the answer is.
• Half of the stuff students turn in we don’t even look at and throw in the recycling.
• We always say we’re underpaid but most other people forget that if we make $35,000 a year to work 180 days, we would make about $49,000 if we worked 246 like the rest of the population. Not bad and we know it.
• It is very possible to be a teacher and know and believe all of the above and still love what you do and be great at it. That’s me!

4. Someone using Clearisil to brush their teeth in the morning.

3. Thinking that the tag line for Heman was “I am Tired”

2. A girl I dated not knowing who fought in the American Civil War. (she was a brainiac I tell you!)

1. Another girl I dated telling me that “Counting is not math.” At the time this girl was student teaching…(mathematics)

*Disclaimer – the current girlfriend is the smartest yet. I’m a firm believer that her IQ is greater than that of a raped ape’s.